Great tips for your wedding and honeymoon

by Larry James

1. Don't plan to leave on your honeymoon immediately. The wedding and reception may cause extreme exhaustion. It's a big day. The honeymoon is very special so give yourself a couple of days to rest. Open gifts, sleep late, rest and just be together. When you are fully rested, go for it! Don't worry about not being able to take a big fancy honeymoon. You have the rest of your lives to make money and take big, wonderful, fabulous vacations. But you only get "one" wedding. Do it well and be happy.

2. The three best tips for a successful wedding is to plan, plan and plan! A lack of planning will guarantee a dismal failure. Put it in writing so you will not forget any minor details. Also don't be overly concerned about the cost of everything. Stay within your budget. The success of your wedding does not depend on the amount of money you spend.

3. Make it easy on your long-distance guests. Make deals with local hotels or motels. Ask for a special group rate and be sure to communicate it to your relatives and friends.

4. To ensure that you do not blubber uncontrollably at the moment you are under pressure to face each other and perform, keep the ceremony short and sweet. Even though you may have remained cool during rehearsal, experiencing the real thing is different. You may be a combination of nervous, anxious, uncertain, afraid, concerned, terrified, restless, uneasy, edgy, fidgety, queasy, tense, uncomfortable, uptight, worried, shaky, skittish, jittery and excited. One or two songs is enough. No extended speeches, poems or singing songs to one another. Short and sweet is best.

5. Remember, this is "your" wedding, not your mother's or your future mother-in-law's wedding. Use tact. . . plenty of it. If you must, give in a little - on both sides of the family - however if it's something that you absolutely do not want to be a part of the wedding, take a time-out to think about how you can tactfully say no. Possibly the only exception might be if there are differences in religion, background or culture. Celebrate each side's uniqueness and emphasize the things they have in common.

6. Generally speaking, we do not recommend bachelor or bachelorette parties. Many feel that such a party gives them license to have one last fling or do things they know their future spouse would never approve of. As a relationship coach, I've heard numerous horror stories of such parties that have gotten what could have been a terrific marriage off to a horrible start. If you must, please remember that soon you will be wed. Agree not to do anything that you would not feel comfortable in telling your partner. It's called, "r-e-s-p-e-c-t!" No alcohol is best.

7. How can you request that parents leave their children at home? When an invitation does not include "and family" or specify children by name, guests should never assume it is all right to bring their children to the wedding. Since many guests are unaware of this, you may choose to have printed on your invitations a line that states: "Adult Reception." It is improper to print "no children" or "adults only" on the invitation.

8. To honor a loved one who has died, place a lit candle or a single flower in a vase on the alter to represent the presence of the deceased. A moment of silence or a special prayer during the ceremony are other ways to reflect on the loved one. In your ceremony program, mention the person or people by name. Also honor the living. Read: Honor Your Mother.

9. It is rare to find anyone giving less than a $100 gratuity to the minister/officiant, and it could be more depending on the minister/officiant. Be sure to discuss the fee "before" the wedding. The donation should be given to the best man prior to the ceremony who will then give it to the minister/officiant after the ceremony.

10. It is considered inappropriate to include in your invitations where you are registered. Instead, pass the word through family and friends. It's okay to tell someone if they ask you. Many people feel at a loss when choosing wedding gifts, and would prefer to purchase something you picked out yourself.